Saturday, April 07, 2007

Thanks to Gil for this one:

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old?"

Well... You'll love this one!

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School .

"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled, bald, fat, gray, decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked, "What did you teach?"

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Thanks to Sara for this incredibly funny video

The iRack:
Opening day 2007-as a Mets fan, I am genetically predisposed to be pessimistic. But I am really concerned about the possibilities for the team this year. I believe that there are certain windows of opportunities for certain teams. Last year was supposed to be the year that the Mets won it all. They had the momemtum from the beginning of the year. The timing was perfect in that the Braves were finally in a down period.

Now the Braves are reconstituted and they seem really hungry. The Phillies have some holes on defense and in their bullpen but their lineup is as good as the Mets and their starting pitching is better. The Marlins bullpen is non-existent but they can run those young arms at you and will be pesky at the very least.

The Mets have age at too many positions. The corner outfielders, catcher and second baseman are old and therefore could fall apart precipitously. You can fill holes as the season progresses but not that many!

Well I hope that my negative psychology approach works. Maybe if I bash them enough they will surprise me. Maybe Maine, Perez and Pelfrey will become the foundation of our starting staff for years to come. Maybe the question marks from the right side of the bullpen will pitch like Bradford and Sanchez last year. Maybe Reyes and Wright will finish one-two in the MVP voting. Maybe Pedro will be back and pitch like an Ace again. Just too many maybes!

But as always, LETS GO METS!
Husband and wife are in bed together.
She feels his fingers touch her shoulder.
She: "Oh, that feels good."
His fingers find her breast.
She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."
His fingers move to her leg.
She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."
But he stops.
She: "Why did you stop?"
He: "I found the remote."